thoughts for tonight. I’m sitting here worshipping with music and as my thoughts are continually lifted higher, I’m thinking of how incredibly happy I am. I just feel so grateful. I’m grateful I know that even the best this world has to offer is nothing compared to what God has in store for us in heaven. think of how incredibly cruel it would be for God to force people who haven’t wanted to live for Him or accept Him in life to be with Him in heaven! Instead of forcing us, He’s given us the option to choose life..to choose Him. and I’m just reflecting on that and the incredible vision of my purpose that He gave me today. I mean..I’m just shocked at how much sense it makes. Literally everything I’ve ever done and everyone I’ve ever met as brought me to this point. And I’m so grateful for having a greater purpose than eating, drinking, sleeping, and hoping for the best. with Jesus, I have assurance of the best. I didn’t even mean to write all those things, but man, I’m just incredibly grateful 🌻and if you’re struggling with your purpose or you’re just unsure, this is from one I’m-not-always-happy-kid-at-heart straight to you: hold on. every puzzle piece will make sense soon…and you are here for a reason.
I’m sitting on my bed after hours of dozing off, napping, and all-out sleep. there isn’t much on my to-do list except a few dishes and vacuuming. it’s a new year but more importantly it’s a new day. I want to get excited every day at midnight. I want to get excited about the opportunity to experience a new day. but I don’t think anyone really views it that way. we don’t really measure the value we receive in one day. as I’m scrolling through Instagram posts about new year, new beginnings, and fresh start, I saw a theme – trust. I can’t believe this is a lesson I’m still learning. it’s a little frustrating. but nevertheless, it inspired me to write this small note about Thomas.
Read the story here.
When I’m reading something, especially the Bible, I like to know the meaning of all the words. I especially like to know the meaning behind a name of I’m reading Bible verses. A name in the Bible described that person’s character. John says Thomas is also called “Didymus”. Both of his names are uncommon. I went here to look up what’s in a name. His name is associated with two or double or twice and means Twin. I like one of the last few sentences on that page: “Our word…may denote…being forked.” So putting all these together, I have a mental picture of a guy who had multiple views heading in different directions. I want to use the word double-minded but I’m not 100% sure that’s the exact word I’m looking for. The point is, I see a guy with clashing viewpoints or views that follow different paths. I see a literal fork in the road (which reminds me of Amelia Bedelia) and someone whose viewpoint was able to go down any path or road. Split. Indecisive.
This the guy who needed physical evidence after Jesus was resurrected. His statement showed his personality:
24 And Thomas, one of the twelve, who is called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came;
25 the other disciples, therefore, said to him, `We have seen the Lord;’ and he said to them, `If I may not see in his hands the mark of the nails, and may put my finger to the mark of the nails, and may put my hand to his side, I will not believe.’
He wasn’t there, so he’s having a hard time believing it. Maybe there were many streams of thought flowing though his mind. Maybe his views were overwhelmingly conflicting and so he decided not to believe until he could see for himself and test the theory.
But I love Jesus’ response to Him. Jesus invites Thomas into direct contact with suffering and asks Thomas to believe. Jesus responds to Thomas’ fears and doubts with an invitation to be closer and more intimate. He doesn’t push Thomas away. Sure, it takes a few days for Jesus to respond to Thomas’ request, but the point is that Jesus answers him and in a way in which the other disciples did not experience!
Seeing the word “trust” repeatedly as I scrolled through got me thinking: people often ask “If there’s a God, why is there so much suffering?” In other words, God, how can you be real and not intervene? I understand that question. I get it.
And, Reader, here’s how it connects with our friend Thomas.
God responds to our doubt with an invitation to know Him even more deeply. He invites us to get close to suffering and not to run away from it. He invites us to experience it face to face and not be apart from it. He invites us to see how closely connected He is to suffering and how much He truly understands it. He doesn’t push us away because we have questions or can’t see His plan or don’t understand everything He’s doing. He invites me and you not to ignore suffering but to be a part of it so that it can transform our minds and then transform our lives. Because you can never be unchanged when you experience suffering. You can never be unchanged when you reach out and touch and realize that it’s a real part of the human experience.
And change is exactly what Thomas experiences. After he realizes how intimately the Savior understands suffering, Thomas has a revelation. Thomas realizes and acknowledges that Jesus..is..God.
Thomas could only see his current situation: Jesus isn’t here and he’s left us emotionally empty while we’re struggling to handle our suffering.
Thomas doubts and makes a declaration: I won’t believe until I see.
Jesus enters the scene and extends an invitation.
Thomas believes and has a revelation.
And I guess that’s just it. If we only look at the current circumstances, we’ll only see part of the picture. But if we acknowledge our doubts and wait for Jesus to reveal Himself, we won’t be able to resist the revelation. As you continue to respond to His invitation to be closer, He’ll reveal Himself as not only being aware of suffering and understanding it, but also being in control.
28 And Thomas answered and said to him, `My Lord and my God;’
a few days ago, one of my exes called. there's so much that could be said about the past calling.
you know the usual – you're supposed to be asleep but you get that text that reads
hey, are you awake?
I guess old habits die hard. you know the usual – flirting, temptation, pictures. but this time it was unusual. this time it was different. this time it was one-sided. and I don't know what it was. maybe, like he described later, it was maturity. finally. or maybe I was just bored…
I'm just so tired of being that girl. always a bridesmaid, never a bride. only this time it's always a…I dunno…well I know what I want to say but it doesn't flow as nicely. it's just not nice to not make it to full-fledged wife status with all the frills it comes with. I don't want to settle for anything less than the dream – the vision- that I believe God has whispered to my heart. and something within me just stood up and firmly said no. and I'm not writing about this to brag. I'm typing this out because I've never felt this feeling before. I feel as confident as I felt before I was an awkward, pimply teenager. I feel confident. I feel strong.
I just said no. I feel like I just can't live the same way anymore. Like the Woman at the Well, I'm looking to experience something new. I'm tired of the same old water that continually leaves me thirsty. I really can't do this anymore. Within a few moments of texting and talking, I realized I had grown. I couldn't believe what I was saying. I couldn't believe what I was refusing. And it didn't mean I'd be perfect – no I definitely slip every day, but thank God for grace through Jesus. I don't have to do it all on my own. I don't have to constantly fear slipping up. I can live and walk confidently knowing that my sins are forgiven and that God will help me to live life loved and to live life new. I don't need to return to the past. It doesn't fill me up anymore. And the truth is, it never has.
"In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall." Psalm 18:29
I am stronger. I am goal-oriented. I am focused on the benefits ahead and not on momentary pleasure.
Could you please pray for me? Pray for deliverance. I'm praying for you too. Even if you're not there yet – have faith. You will be. This God I serve is so great. So powerful. His love is endless. There's nothing too embarrassing, dirty, or unworthy.
"Who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies;"
"There's nothing too dirty
That You can't make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
There's nothing too dirty
That You can't make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean" – Natalie Grant, "Clean"
Thank God that we serve a God who's perfect; who loves us even though we don't deserve it. He fights our battles for us. We are never alone.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14
Sometimes we don't think of our bad habits as addictions. Or worse, we think that our bad habit is not as bad as his or hers. But praise God for deliverance. Have there been bad things that have happened this week? Life is filled with mess-ups, slip-ups, and breakups, but today let's make our minds up – we won't live life with a victim mindset. We can make it. We can overcome.
Today let's celebrate the progress we've made. Lets give credit where credit is due instead of focusing on our failures. Let's replace fear of failure with faith in the future: hope. A hope that can only be conceived through a continual trust in Jesus.
Let's say thank you to God as we recognize how far he's brought us from our past. And let's look forward to the future.