just wait. [pt.1]

I only have one verse for this one. Or at least I think I do. I often start off writing about one thing and then Holy Spirit guides me in a completely different direction. Truly, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (And…that was verse number two). 

Today’s focus verse is one I’ve stumbled across several times.

The smallest family will become a thousand people,
    and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation.

    At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” – Isaiah 60:22, (emphasis mine)

 I’ve thought about writing on it before but haven’t taken the time to do so. And maybe I guess it’s because I don’t like waiting or the topic itself so, deep within my subconscious, (in true Freudian style), I’ve purposely overlooked it. No matter the case, here it is – the blog about waiting. 

(Oh no…I just thought of several other verses…here we go again).

Now, in order for this Project to work, I have to be really honest with you. It’s a bit difficult because I’m balancing the fear of the unknown – I don’t know with whom exactly I’m being honest – with the fear of not being honest enough to the point that you, Reader, don’t know me and then this whole thing would fail. Well, let’s just get to it.

the past.

I’ve never been the best at waiting. I remember the days when my mom would come home sleepy from work and she’d fall asleep on the couch. Sometimes I’d ask  for snacks. It was as if I waited for those half-asleep couch moments, but I don’t remember being this skillful or forward thinking as a child. I remember the snack – Chewy brand granola bars. (Eating those several years later, I realize they aren’t really that great). One day she told me not to ask her for things when she was half-asleep! It was a reasonable request. But today I think that spoke more to my impatience and lack of self-control than I could have possibly wrapped my 9 year old mind around. 

I’ve never been really good at waiting. I was more of a “Why not?” kind of kid. In my own right I was a rebel in many things but not the kind you see in leather jackets in TV and not the kind that experimented in the way your mind probably wants to wander. But my inability to wait to think things through has repeatedly led my mouth to say things I only half mean which usually gets me in a whole lot of trouble.

Mm…no, I’m not being honest enough. I’ve been that “pushing past boundaries girl”. I usually don’t set out to test boundaries. I always set out to do what I want to do. That reminds me of Jessica Rabbit’s famous phrase “I’m not bad really…I’m just drawn that way.” (Seriously, that was such an an inappropriate movie for kids). And you know, I don’t want to pretend I’ve been the bad girl who broke the rules every chance she got. But as I’m looking through the Bible and especially the 10 commandments, I’m realizing I’ve fallen short and since all falling short/missing the mark is labeled sin, and all sin is displeasing to God, I’m on the same level as you no matter what you did and despite the differing consequences. 

Waiting

  • Breaking commandments #1 and 2, I’ve had other gods in God’s Presence. I’ve listened to my own reasoning, explained things away, been disobedient, trusted in myself, and especially trusted in my own timing. 
  • #3 takes a bit of thinking but I believe it applies. The third commandment is not to misuse God’s name. This is usually applied to saying it unnecessarily or not treating His Name with respect, but I believe it goes further than that. If you say you’re a follower of Jesus, then your words, actions, and even thoughts should reflect Him. When people look at you, they should see Jesus. They should be inspired by your call to a higher set of standards than anyone on earth could possibly provide. Every time I haven’t waited, I’ve misused the name “follower of Jesus” because I haven’t displayed who He is to other people. 
  • This one also takes some thinking. When I haven’t waited, it’s because I covet. I covet the great fashion sense someone else has. I covet her confidence. The list goes on and on. This opposes commandment #10. 

There are other ways my impatience/refusal to wait has directly affected God’s standards on: 

  • Purity
  • Self-control
  • Substitution/settling for something less than Jesus’ promise to give us “the more abundant life”.

But I read something today that has already begun to change my mindset. 

the future.

In part 2, we’ll talk about zitsfleisch, being still, conforming our will to God’s, the importance of “I, the Lord”, and more stuff on waiting. I promise I didn’t write this in parts just to make a point. I just know that there are people with less than remarkable attention spans because I am one of them.

the present.

I’m reading this book called “Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. 

One of the sections talks about this lie: “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings”.

Here are a couple of the excerpts that really stood out to me: 

“Our society has bought into the philosophy that there is (or ought to be) a remedy (preferably quick and easy) for every unfulfilled longing. We are encouraged to identify our longings and do whatever is necessary to get those “needs” met.”

“Whether married or single we must recognize that it is not wrong to have unfulfilled longings – they do not make us any less spiritual. We must learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God, and look to him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.”

Think about that. 

There are things this earth can’t satisfy. Every one of your longings won’t be met. But when the Lord is your Shepherd, you won’t be in want. You’ll have everything you need

Psalm 34:10 New Living Translation (NLT)

“Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.”

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” – C. S. Lewis

just write


the present.

I get so easily distracted. I like to do ten thousand things at once. very recently I’ve been distracted. As I so often do, I dreamt about it. I dreamt about impending distractions. Even in this moment I’m distracted. I want to write so perfectly…eloquently…I don’t know. Sometimes it’s good to just type.

A verse that keeps popping into my mind is Matthew 6:33 –

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (ESV)

So very often – even a few days ago, I confess – I flip the verse. I choose the order. I follow my own lead. And, it’s so strange, because so very often I find myself saying “I wish people would do things that make sense” and yet I find myself doing things that don’t make sense far…too…often.

Have you ever experienced that?

You’re on a roll and then you get derailed and then your insides are raging because you chose not to do the right thing.

Well, I started this blog to be honest. I started this thing because I want to be open. I want you to see that I’m a real person – no holier than thou – and I’ve got my share of struggles just like you.


the past.

A few weeks ago (or months, I don’t exactly remember), I heard (or read) somewhere that as we get closer to God, He conforms our will to His will, so that when we ask Him for anything, He’ll give it to us because our will has become His will and He wills to do what He wills.

Did you follow that?

Let me add another verse for context:

Delight yourself in the Lordand he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

I’m slightly nerdy so I love definitions:

delight-definition

God will give us the desires of our hearts when we:

  • make Him our thrill
  • become captivated by Him
  • take great pleasure in Him

When we make Jesus our priority, we get closer to Him. As we get closer, our will changes. We don’t just see things from our limited perspective – our will is expanded to include the things we can now see better about the world. God then helps us say “I don’t want my will to be done, I want your will to be done, God”. In that way, God will give us the desires of our hearts. It may not look like all the things we’ve ever wanted but it will definitely look like God’s will – and trust me, if you haven’t already learned, you will eventually discover that His way is best.


the future.

I remember telling one of my best friends that I feel weird talking to God about “the desires of [my] heart“.

She helped me remember that God made us. There is absolutely nothing we can do that would surprise Him. He already knows what you’re about to say before you say it, but if you want the close relationship that leads to Him giving you the desires of your heart, it comes from talking to Him about everything – like you would with your best friend.

One step that really helped me is starting a short Bible reading plan. Youversion created the “Bible App”. You can look up topics on anything – money, sex, drugs, and Jesus (that phrase is the future title of a book I’ll write, so look out for it).

I encourage you to put your trust in Jesus. Make Him your priority. He is absolutely so faithful. I promise to post about His faithfulness on this blog every opportunity I get. He was faithful in giving me the opportunity to get through this…to overcome the distraction.

Don’t let your desires for “all these things” divert your attention from the one who will set you free. You don’t have to face everything on your own. There is a very real God who is very much on your side and cares very much about the desires of your heart.

Live free.